31 January 2007

To Be Born a Fallen Man

I mean if I was born a sinner why not really go for it?

"Love the sinner; hate the sin" is a sort of sum-total of biblical scripture. Jesus never said it but everyone seems to think he did. Can you imagine if that was an exact quote? A biblical precedent for hatred! Saints be praised!

Really, I can't find anything about hate in the Saviors' teachings. Understandably, one might expect the straight and narrow lifestyle to requires one to avoid those who rest far from the saintly path. Quite the opposite is true. Jesus went out of his way to teach all manner of sinners. He associated with publicans and harlots. He deliberately passed through Accursed Samaria just to talk to Accursed Samaritans!

"When ecclesiastical leaders profess to love the sinner while hating the sin, the indictment that we are sinners by nature leaves so many gays and lesbians feeling helpless and hopeless."
- Frank Morris Susa

It is understandable that those taught a higher law would feel higher than the uneducated.* Even those who traveled with Jesus and saw these things were surprised to find out that they would be teaching the gospel to gentiles.

I guess "love the sinner; hate the sin" means to say "love one another; don't condone their sins." After all, Jesus said "Go and sin no more."

The division between the gay and straight members in a family boils down to how each person views homosexuality. Is it a sin? Is it a mortal state? Perhaps we should agree to [never come to a consensus] and perhaps we should strive to be willing to associate with those whom Jesus would not cast out.

*Try holding a pleasant conversation with a college philosophy professor.


good tune

18 January 2007

A Destiny Worse Than Fate

where's an oracle when you need one?

I never thought that I could be accepted into God's kingdom. I resigned to the fact that a happy, normal afterlife would be as inaccessible to me as a happy, normal mortal life. I never thought to fight for my place in the kingdom. The church is a constant, immutable thing. I know that things like polygamy and blacks in the priesthood had changed but that was by divine revelation and I am not the source of such revelation.

Having accepted homosexuality as a part of me and having done so early in life I also made a conscious realization that I wouldn’t share a place with my family in heaven.* Maybe God would reveal to the church a new position on homosexuality.

Could it all just be wishful thinking? Nobody wants to end up in hell. I guess that I just placed my destiny in God's hands and that was it. I never doubted I was born this way and by extension never doubted He made me this way. Whatever His plan for me, I am bound to it. If that sounds like an immutable destiny let me assure you I fully understand the concept of personal agency. But if homosexuality is part of His plan for me, part of His design, am I to suffer unendingly the hostile pronouncements of those in church leadership? Am I to risk excommunication by meeting a special someone and sharing my life with him? I may not be up to the task.

I’m not up to the task. I want to be but I'm just not. I fear what the church will do to me. I removed my self from church activity years ago. Though I cling to both my church ancestry and gospel principles I cant help feel like a cargo ship with out a GPS locator. I certainly believe I know how to sail but I'm not fooling myself into believing that the human soul doesn’t need constant updates and course corrections.

*Now that I have read more literature in the gay Mormon community I wonder if maybe I might access heaven after all. There are popular theories and estimations pronounced amongst them that make it seem so.


good tune

15 January 2007

Have Blog, Will Travel

though I never have been far from my home state...

Welcome one and all. By way of vague introduction I am a Caucasian male living in Utah valley.* I'm Mormon, I'm gay, and I'm happy to be here.

In the coming weeks I hope to begin sharing my life story with as many anonymous strangers as I can and discussing my politically-incorrect-yet-oddly-touching thoughts on life.

Also, I'm closeted. So this will be the first time discussing any of this with anyone.

*otherwise known as a white boy in the bubble


good tune