29 November 2007

You’re Considering a “Traditional” Marriage

neal called me a “pit viper” recently. what’s with that guy and phallic imagery?

You’re considering a “traditional” marriage. Good for you. A fool weighs not his options.

It works for some gays. I’ve met them so I can assure you it does work sometimes.* You’ll be a father like you’ve always wanted. You’ll be a husband like you’ve always wanted. You’ll get into that straight-only heaven you’ve always wanted.

Having weighed the pros and cons I’ve decided it isn’t for me. Having met the men who tried it only to meet with disastrous results I’ve estimated it isn’t right for most.

Normally, I would say this now, “Do as you will; it’s your life to make happy.”

But it’s not your marriage that explodes, is it? It’s her marriage, too.

It isn’t your life that explodes. It’s her life, too. It’s her identity, her self-esteem, and her kids that are caught in the shock wave.

She wasn’t prepared. How could she have been? Society didn’t teach her anything about this type of relationship. Neither did her family. Neither does her church. Neither did you telling her you were gay beforehand.

One might be fully aware they’re standing on railroad tracks, they may even be told the train is coming, see it’s bright lights, hear it’s sounding horn, and still not be prepared for the impact when it finally arrives.

And it always arrives.

*Allow me to make something perfectly clear for those of you who only read the first and last sentence of a post: I know it works for some gay guys.


good tune from an artist who will be missed (link, link, link)

22 November 2007


five things I’m thankful for

An evening’s rest without the need of my crazy-noisy space heater.

The opportunity to come out to everyone I care about* and meeting so many of the fine gay men here.

The mysterious lack of flak I’ve been getting from my family over being gay. Honestly, I appreciate but did not anticipate their flexibility over this announcement.

The fine musicians over at OCRemix who provide this blog’s soundtrack.

The flattery of a ranking tool that thinks I’m really, really cool:

cash advance

*Except the one aunt who scares the ever-livin' tar out of me. She's nice but kind of a... um, zealot.


good tune

15 November 2007

Overreact Much

dearest readers: please read the following dialog between RealNeal and myself and let me know if I'm overreacting when I wonder if I'm in danger

RealNeal said...

I can and do respect your right to have different beliefs, but I don't have to respect the beliefs themselves. If you can show me the basis for your beliefs, I may come to respect them, but to date no one here has been able to do that.

And I feel quite sorry for you too. Unless you're a REALLY old Y student I have decades of experience and learning on you. When someone sounds a voice of warning to another its not necessarily an "attack" on you as a person, or because they think they are somehow more righteous than you, or better than you. Perhaps its because they've been where you are and hate to see others make the same mistakes they made. You can choose to take offense, or to accept it as a heart felt gesture from someone who's been around the block a few times. I've looked around this big ole world with a doubtful eye myself, only to find that the truth was right in front of me all along. But that's my experience, of course, and you must have your own. Ultimately, we'll all find out for sure how right or wrong we are...

Respectfully Yours,

playasinmar said...
I'm listening, Neal. I'm always listening. For example, I heard you call iwonder's beliefs "baseless" in your last comment.

Congratulations on being old, by the way. i don't know what years of living is supposed to automatically grant you in our conversations. I think I should point out that some of the most wrong people I've ever met are also the oldest.

RealNeal said...

Yes, you're listening; and you also seem to have an agenda to criticize/slam the Church and those who believe in it every chance you get. You actively tear down. Mock. Disparage. Your blog is clear evidence of this, as are your comments on other blogs.

And please, let's not put words in my mouth. I plainly said no one has explained their basis, not that they don't have one.

Some of most wrong people I've ever met are young people who think they know it all. Experience is something you simply have to gain - you can't fake it. It takes time. And I think it has everything to do with conversations like these. Perhaps you can't understand that if you don't have any.

Making fun of someone's age, calling them "old", is really an irrelevant and juvenile gesture. That is, if you consider being in your 40s "old". You too will be "old" one day, if you live that long...


playasinmar said...
Wow, Neal. Threatening my life makes you way more… interesting.

I have experience. I also have the humility to know my experience is just that: Mine. And no qualifier, be it education, priesthood office, or age, can inflate it.

You called you old, by the way. Can you blame me for agreeing?

realneal said...
Threatening your life!? There you go putting words in my mouth again.
You really do have a persecution complex, don't you?

And the humility thing has me laughing so hard I probably won't be able to sleep tonight!!! Maybe I've got an Ambien* laying around here somewhere...


*According to WebMD these are the unlikely but serious side effects of Ambien: fast/pounding heartbeat, unusual tiredness, mental/mood changes (e.g., new or worsening depression, rare thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, aggressive behavior, anxiety), memory loss, unsteadiness.


good tune

08 November 2007


“mom’s nicer than the whores you date.” -buster
“don’t call my escorts whores!” -gob
“i’m sick of all this objectifying of women!” -lindsay
“it’s just mom and whores.” -michael

Gimple AKA Therayasomething is worried that the blogs have become a path from “…MoHo to MoHo whore to Homo.” He sites no references and expresses this analysis is based simply on his own observations. I, however, have never failed to accurately site concealed references so I’ll point out that he’s worried about Peter, Romulus, and iWonder.

Peter briefly mentioned that he wasn't going to date girls anymore. Romulus wants to [finally] fall in love [with a guy]. iWonder posted about an unexpected same-sex relationship that fizzled out before it began.* There may have been others but ultimately these are the posts that lead Gimple to fear the blogs are changing "MoHos to MoHo whores to Homos."

So why the heavy tone? Why the talk of “homos” and “whores?”

It would be disingenuous for him to have enjoyed a same-sex relationship only to disparage others who are merely thinking about such a thing so I’ll assume he’s been trying something else. Obviously, no one finds happiness through celibacy so he must be sticking to women-folk.** Therefore, it seems likely Gimple feels threatened by same-sex relationships.

It’s a fundamental misunderstanding about same-sex relationships. Said relationships don’t threaten anyone. Two people like each other… and... that’s all. It has no impact on the bystanders. The bystanders who really ought to respect the lives of others while hoping others would return that respect.

Friends should expect such decency.

*For additional fun read the comments on iWonder’s post. Remember, he wasn’t looking for a relationship and there wasn’t actually a relationship but nothing can keep Crow and RealNeal from going nuts at the news!

**That’s fine. Really, it is. Everyone finds happiness in their own way.


good tune

02 November 2007

Iron-Clad Guarantee

a summary of my three favorite promises in all Mormondom

The Atonement Will Make You Straight.* And why not? Being gay is a sin. The Atonement cleanses sin from our lives. It makes sense. I just have to be faithful and diligent in my church responsibilities. If I ever fail I’ll be cast into hell so I better be as neurotic and vocal about my devotion as possible!

Marrying a Woman Will Make You Straight.* Not exactly
sure where this idea came from. My guess is Stake Presidents. Stake Presidents recommend marriage as the default solution to everything** so maybe it’s not a recommendation based on dangerous ignorance.

The Mission Will Make You Straight. A
unique promise because it’s not offered by the church but rather by young gay men to themselves. In a way it makes perfect sense: “If I dedicate two entire years of my life, a tithe on my very youth, in perfect service of God’s mighty work surely he’ll grant me this one thing.” And then, after two years of close, male-only contact and emotional bonding with companions who are usually nudists the gay teenager returns home a gay man. Disappointed and usually suicidal.

*It’s worth noting that, at this time, neither of the first two promises is officially offered. They’ve been replaced by: You’ll be Straight in the Next Life AKA You’ll be Straight Once You Finally Die.

**Gay? Get married! Depressed missionary? Get married! Tax evasion? Get Married!


good tune