14 February 2007

Why am I Inactive?

and what do I plan to do about it?

The reasons are twofold. First, I'm not an argumentative person, per se, yet I get angry when some random RM gets up in priesthood meeting, assails the "gay lifestyle," and is only encouraged to do so. He is only be speaking to the truth he knows… yet, why not just testify the rural farmers in northeast Mongolia aren't farming correctly? Some things are hard to relate to because they are hard to relate to for a straight guy living in Provo.

Second, I may feel that I am worthy to participate but the church doesn’t think so. Monogamy is as monogamy does, I say, but the church REALLY doesn’t agree. The church has stated that, celibate, a gay man may continue in full fellowship in the church. The church has also expanded the concept of celibacy to include dating, holding hands, and even talking to other homosexuals. What unbearable loneliness!

So it isn't that I've "violated" the law of chastity, I haven’t. It's that I fully intend to.

How can I not? Is companionship not a basic human need? Are we not designed to find our better half and marry that person? If the Law of Chastity covers any and all expressions of love, how can I ever hope to be a complete person?*

My challenge in life is to fall in love and be allowed to hug him. Is that not the most pathetic thing you have ever heard? A hug is an insurmountable obstacle. What life have I lead to be brought to this. How can I want to be a part of this? How could anyone?

*And why must I rely on question marks so heavily?


good tune


-L- said...

"If the Law of Chastity covers any and all expressions of love, how can I ever hope to be a complete person?*"

Some people manage it. It feels hopeless (I know because I've been there), but there are more ways out than leaving the church for love or staying in it and being miserable.

"*And why must I rely on question marks so heavily?"

If you do, you'll be an excellent blogger, IMHO. ;-)

playasinmar said...

"Some people manage it."

If celibacy is what you're hinting at then I disagree. I don't think anyone manages to be a complete person if they refrain from relationships.

A weird, old hermit but not a complete person.

Foxx said...

One of the major things that members of the LDS Church learn from day one is that relationships are paramount to this earthly experience. To say otherwise would be to reject half the LDS Gospel, at least.

In L's defense, there are many kinds of satisfying relationships that do not include sexual intimacy. To that I will agree.

However, I believe intimacy is a basic, instinctual human need, and the most natural way to fulfill that need is to allow yourself to be known by (and to know) someone else completely. Completely includes emotional, spiritual, physical, and every aspect that brings you closer to each other. I think this is what playasinmar is getting at.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems you're craving that natural closeness that is at once praised and demonized, depending on who you're attracted to, and feeling like that is being kept from you, not just in the act of sex, but the very appearance of condoning a same-sex relationship is an awful concept.

For someone who craves that intimacy, that closeness, and that togetherness, celibacy is the antithesis of life, not because we all like to feel good (and sex feels good), but because sexual intimacy is a unique way to open yourself up to someone else and be vulnerable and trust in a world of insurmountable distance, selfishness, cynicism, and anonymity.

I need that to feel complete. I think lots of people do. I just happen to have my eyes on men where other guys are ogling women. I don't buy the idea that fulfillment and righteousness can only be found between a man and a woman. I believe the same cannot be found alone, but it is the emotion and the commitment that matter, not the genitalia.

playasinmar said...

I do crave that natural closeness that is at once praised and demonized, depending on who I'm attracted to.

I feel like it is being kept from me and not just in the act of sex.

I am unafraid of condoning a same-sex relationship, however.

It is odd; I am old enough to value a meaningful relationship yet I'm at the age where I should want just sex. I know there is no value to "just sex" and I know my moral center would have to shift far to permit it.

I just want to desire someone who desires me. It's been about a quarter-century and I've never had the pleasure. That's the pathetic thing I refer to when I said, "A hug is an insurmountable obstacle."