they would have made a cute couple but what gifts do you bring to their baby shower?
Every so often someone of the Mormon persuasion wonders why those who question the faith choose to remain in it. The mere act of “questioning faith” is seen as an inherent division between Mormons and everyone else. Those who question are seen to be disobeying the laws and failing to listen to what God’s men are saying.
But what happens when the Men of God say something that isn’t true? What happens if they something untrue over and over again? Let’s also suppose that this untruth is about you.
I’m not the only Moho to have been accused of being selfish, afraid of men, confused about my gender, and a sinner by nature. Blanket statements viewed as gospel by the church at large because the faithful are largely afraid to challenge any notion whatsoever.*
I question, I complain, and I confront. Through it all, I maintain my faith in The One True Church. I proclaim these truths to be self-evident, God loves His children today as much as He did in ancient times when He sent His prophets to lead the saints away from the false and foolish things of the world. He sent us to Earth to prove our valor and build our eternal families; the most precious of all things. He protects us, teaches us, guides us, and to this end, has returned the prophets to us.
What is it that keeps homosexuals like myself in a faith I know to be true but returns my devotion with fear, misunderstanding, and hatred? Some have suggested the answer is masochism, the pleasure (or gratification) of having pain or suffering inflicted upon myself.
It’s a difficult notion to dispel. Certainly, the church is the most real and beautiful thing in my life. It’s also true that the church is the source of my life’s greatest sadness, self-doubt, and pain.
I don’t believe it’s a masochistic desire that binds me to the church. I remain because of my desire to be a part of a marvelous work and a wonder even if there is pain attached. Besides, on a larger scale, pain is just a part of life. We seek to minimize pain but it remains our constant companion. Why should I expect the church to be different than everything else in this world?
I’ll conclude by stating that if it is, in fact, a masochistic desire that binds homosexuals to the church then I would like to point out that every abusive relationship has someone who dishes out the pain. You can fault the victim for always coming back for more but that doesn’t excuse a sadist who selects a group to paint as foolishly short-sighted, society’s enemy, and a danger to the children. An aggressor who then, like any good sadist, congradulates himself for getting the abused to keep coming back. Wielding promises of salvation and brandishing threats of hell, he seeks to prove his compassion by sheer force of love.
But that’s only if you believe in I’m a masochist.
*Untruths, every one. And just because one of those descriptors might apply to somebody, somewhere doesn’t make the idea behind them any less ridiculous.